Paraphernalia

the meaning of life ?

terrorist alert in Europe (by John Cleese)

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

And Poland has recently joined Europe..........

But help is at hand :~))

spam can be good

Know your Spam
UNSOLICITED bulk e-mail messages are named after Spam.

Exotic varieties include hickory smoke and stinky French garlic flavours.

Richard LeFevre holds the world record for eating Spam by wolfing down 6lbs in 12 minutes.

The pork product inspired Monty Python’s spam sketch and the stage musical Spamalot

It first went on shop shelves on July 5, 1937.

Spam with beef instead of forbidden ham is used by the Israeli army.

The name is thought to derive from the words Shoulder of Pork and Ham.

In 2002, the six billionth can of Spam was sold.

My Mum used to make SPAM fritters and chips for us as a special treat :~)

And for the more discerning diner, here is "Crown of SPAM",
from "Better Home and Gardens New Cookbook" 1953 edition

There is also a wide variety of Spam accesories available at the SPAM website

POST FOR THE MONTH OF JULY - 823 years ???

It is perfectly true that July 2011 has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. However, such a combination occurs far more often than every 823 years. The last occurrence was in July 2005 while the next occurrence will take place in July 2016.

FACT 1: In any 31-day month, whatever days of the week the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd fall on will occur a total of five times. If a month starts with Friday-Saturday-Sunday, it will have a total of 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays. If it starts with Sunday-Monday-Tuesday, it will have a total of 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays, and 5 Tuesdays. And so on.

FACT 2: Let’s think about this, a year can only start on one of seven days, so there are seven possible basic calendar years. Add leap years, and there are fourteen basic calendars. Period. And one of those calendars only gets used every 823 years? How would that be possible? It’s not of course, all fourteen calenders get cycled through regularly, in fact 2010 uses the exact same calendar as 1999.