Paraphernalia: January 2011

Statistics

Statistics means never having to say youre certain.......
I should know, I live with one !

* Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed

* All polar bears are left-handed

* If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was nicked by a Polar bear

* 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles

* 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles

* Work stuffs up your eyesight

* All dogs are animals

* All cats are animals

* Therefore, all dogs are cats

* A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second

* Ten babies are conceived around the world every second

* Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of falling

FACT Pornograhpy is the most searched for item on the web

Funny statistics

The pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play which suggests two or more meanings, by exploiting multiple meanings of words, or of similar-sounding words, for an intended humorous or rhetorical effect.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference

He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,

but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,

because it was a weapon of math disruption.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are Looking into it.

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:

'Keep off the Grass.'

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison

was a Small Medium at Large

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray

is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts.

In feudalism it's your Count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary,

they got a taste of religion.

Lots more HERE

Mid Life Crisis

Translation....

Man: 5 years ago darling, we had a tiny apartment, a 2nd hand car and we slept on a mattress on the floor. But I slept with a sexy young woman.... ....
Now we have a luxurious villa, a BMW, a big plasma TV and we sleep in a huge water bed, but you are nearly 50......

Woman: Darling, the only thing you need to do is to look for a sexy young blond. Then I can quickly make sure that you live in a tiny apartment, drive around in a 2nd hand car and sleep on the floor again.....

Listen to David Burns singing about the phenomina of a mid life crisis

Flirting

Origin:

Mid 16th century: apparently symbolic, the elements fl- and -irt both suggesting sudden movement; compare with flick and spurt. The original verb senses were ‘give someone a sharp blow’ and ‘sneer at’; the earliest noun senses were ‘joke, jibe’ and ‘flighty girl’

Whereas Wikipedia has : Flirting is non-physical sexual communication between two people to negotiate mutual attraction through body language and verbal tactics.

It can be romantic

or totally practical >>

How to flirt at 40 - 50 - online and when all else fails......

Society for the Rescue of Hijacked Words

Perhaps we should start a Society for the Rescue of Hijacked Words?

There could offer free lifetime memberships to the following :

Society meetings would certainly be interesting events — some tarts would doubtless try to work the convention hotels and then the pigs would bust the event and we would all end up before the beak and end up receiving porridge.

email me with your suggestions......

tattoooooooooooooooooooo

Maybe they hold a fascination for me

as my Dad had one on his forearm ....

Tattooing has been a Eurasian practice at least since around Neolithic times. Ötzi the Iceman, dating from the fourth to fifth millennium BC, was found in the Ötz valley in the Alps and had approximately 57 carbon tattoos consisting of simple dots and lines on his lower spine, behind his left knee, and on his right ankle.

Brad Pitt with Otzi tattoo ! Here's a view of the Otzi the Iceman's back.

The first written reference to the word, "tattoo"
(or Samoan "Tatau") appears in the journal of Joseph Banks,
the naturalist aboard Cook's ship "The Endeavour", in 1769:
"I shall now mention the way they mark themselves indelibly, each of them is so marked by their humor or disposition"

Things seem to have exploded since then ....................

Ex-soldier Shaun Clark has all 232 names (2009) of troops killed in Afghanistan tattooed on his body.

Tattooed tongue or eyes

A brief history of tattoo's The worst tattoo's ever

life

"It has been my philosophy of life that

difficulties vanish when faced boldly."

- Isaac Asimov

Asimov is a favorite of mine for his science fiction books,

but this quote combined with my other love - Lions

makes a perfect combination :~)

Asimov odds and sods....

He's got two fonts named after him - nr 2
A cartoon figure
Brain surgeon ?
The hardest book he ever wrote
Computer salesman1 salesman2
He's on Tee-shirts
War game ??
Asimov on photosynthesis
Data Base

There are more than 3 laws for robots

Pencils as you've never seen them before !

Many artists have used pencils to create beautiful pieces of work – but only one creates stunning masterpieces on the tip of one. Microscopic artist Dalton Ghetti spends up to two-and-a half years painstakingly crafting each handmade piece on the graphite of a pencil.

Mizuta Tasogare and Kato Jado divide their incredibly intricate pencil carvings into four basic types and the rest they consider variations on these basic themes. Any mistake, they note, is fatal for an individual work which must remain intact throughout the delicate carving process. Creating link after link without breaking through thin wood barriers and while dealing with the material change between the graphite and surrounding wood is extremely challenging.

Yet another pencil artist Jennifer Maestre makes jewellery and objects....

The mathematical beauty of (the totally mad !) George W Hart

"72 Pencils" is a geometric construction of 72 pencils, assembled into a work of art

More here

Umbrage

Umbrage originally meant 'shadow' from the Latin 'umbra'

um·brage noun - Origin: 1400–1459

leaves that afford shade, as the foliage of trees.
shade or shadows, as cast by trees.
a shadowy appearance or semblance of something.

Synonyms pique, grudge, resentment.

offense; annoyance; displeasure:
to feel umbrage at a social snub; to give umbrage to someone; to take umbrage at someone's rudeness.

the slightest indication or vaguest feeling of suspicion, doubt, hostility, or the like.

It can also be a colour !!

Boiled Beef and Carrots

Boiled Beef and Carrots is made from salted beef.

Immortalised by the old music hall song, this is a truly traditional Cockney dish. The length of time the meat is soaked depends on how salty it is. The greyish colour turns pink when cooked.

Here's a recipe with pictures of how to make it

"Boiled Beef and Carrots" is a comedic musical hall song published in 1909, and composed by Charles Collins and Fred Murray. The song was made famous by Harry Champion who sang it as part of his act and recorded it. The song extols the virtues of a typical English, and particularly Cockney, dish.

Listen to the song here:

Chorus:

Boiled beef and carrots,

That's the stuff for your "Derby Kell",

Makes you fit and keeps you well.

Don't live like vegetarians

On food they give to parrots,

Blow out your kite, from Morn til night,

On boiled beef and carrots.

'Derby Kelly' is Cockney Rhyming slang for Belly

'Kite' as slang for cheque appeared in the 1920s. At that time, it usually meant a blank or stolen one, generally made out in the knowledge that there were insufficient funds to meet it! Much earlier, back in the very early 19th century, 'kite' was used as a joke - in reference to the child's flying toy - to mean a financial document used to try to raise money on credit. Doubtless, the modern usage was at least based on the older one.'

Kneecap

My knee(s) are doing good, lets hope they never get like this..........

This coral and other members of its family are unique in that a single polyp makes up the entire coral colony and the coral lives with no attachment to the bottom. This means that the coral can live in soft sand and is capable of limited movement by differential swelling of its body. This coral is circular in shape, up to 4-5 cm in diameter with the evenly spaced, prominent septa running in neat radii from the central mouth area to the disk's perimeter. When tentacles are expanded they protrude from between the septa at various distances from the polyp mouth.

Info + more pics here

Habitat : This coral is extremely rare in Oman and thus far is known only from one specimen collected near Mirbat in Dhofar. Its primary habitat is in the sand at intermediate depths outside of reefs.

Mirbat is also known for British victory of a battle fought there in 1972